So to all the 19 teams who are busy enjoying the fumes from our exhaust. Up yours, losers!!
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Peas are a bitch. I struggle with them every time they serve those green balls of hell during dinner. I don't hate the taste, they taste like corn to me. But it's so hard to eat them with "grace". Especially with a fork!!
Those things just keep rolling off my fork every time I try to lift them to my mouth and it has to be that precise moment when my mouth is wide open and they're almost there; leaving me hanging with that awkward look on my face while everyone wonders why this guy eats like a 4 year old.
Fuck Peas.
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"Even stopped clocks get it right once or twice in a while."
Stumbled onto this proverb the other day. That has to be one of the more thought-provoking proverbs out there. I like proverbs that force you to think for a while. And by a while, I mean 5 seconds because let's face it, if you need any longer than that, you're retarded.
Of course, the saying basically means even the most derailed fool can say something true every so often. In fact, stopped clocks actually show the right time 2 times a day. Think about it. Good one, huh? It's definitely better than the lazier "duh" type of sayings like:
"All good things must come to an end"
"Action speaks louder than words"
"No man is an island"
"A woman's place is in the home"
So anyway, I had a sudden urge to scour the web for new proverbs but I somehow ended up with these. Here are some funny ones that I found over the internet. Not exactly proverbs per se, but I just wanted to share it:
Simon says stand! Simon says sit! Format drive C:! Ha! Gotcha!
Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
A rock ----> me <---- A hard place A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway. Keyboard not connected, press F13 to continue If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep. A cynic smells the flowers and looks for the coffin. Diplomacy is saying: "Nice doggie!"... till you can find a rock. What on earth is a "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free? There are some proverbs I picked up in primary school that I never quite understood over the years. Yes I do realize that after what I said in the first paragraph, I am calling myself a retard. And yes, they make kids memorize shit-loads of proverbs in Sri KL. English lessons used to be a pain in the arse back then. They'd literally give you pages and pages of synonyms, antonyms, homonyms, idioms, similes, past tense, past participle tense, present perfect tense, future tense and expect you to know them by heart. Like come on, how old were we, what, nine?! Psychopath English teachers. Yes you, Mr.Singh, you're a psychopath. Here are some of the proverb that I never quite understood until recently. "A stitch in time saves nine" "Penny wise, pound foolish" "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush" It took me 5 years till I was in Form 2 for me to understand the first one. When I first saw that saying, I was dumbfounded. Stitch time? What, sewing a clock? How will that save anything? Who the hell are the "nine"? Of course, what it means is stitching a hole now will save you 9 stitches in the future but believe me, it wasn't so obvious back then. The second one, I'll hold my hands up and admit, I only found out its figurative meaning just now when I googled it. If ever there is a sentence stripped down to its bare bones, "penny wise, pound foolish" has to be it. How is anyone supposed to understand what you're trying to say when you speak like a Neanderthal?! I mean really, tell me "Penny wise, Pound foolish" doesn't sound like: "Me Org, Org hungry" "Hulk hate, Hulk smash" "Eat chicken, Chicken good" "Fuck you, You bitch" And then there are some that really do your head in. I know the third one means you should accept what you have and not risk it by chasing something better but really, reading this proverb provoked the kind of "What?!" you'll only get from watching the Matrix trilogy. I mean, come on, If a bird in my hand is worth two in the bush, what's stopping me from throwing it into the bush? It just doesn't make sense. I suspect this is some kind of sick joke conjured a long time ago by a philosopher who really detested hand-jobs.
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