"Being a Clutch Student" for Dummies

After racing against time to finish up on my revision for my 2nd year finals, I now consider myself a bit of an expert in the art of last-minute revision. Do not let anyone fool you into thinking it's not the right thing to do.




Naturally, there are perks in doing things at the eleventh-hour, namely, information not having the time to escape you. We all know what it feels like to revise 2 months before the exams and not remembering a thing a week before the papers. You'll be pleased to find out that last-minute revision eliminates that possibility; allowing you to read away without fear.




That's not all, last minute revision also gives you that warm self-satisfaction of knowing that you "could have done a lot better had you not procrastinated", hence, feeling a lot smarter than you really are. Consider it a little mental cushion to fall back on if you bomb your exams badly.




I've picked up a lot of pointers during my past week of speed-scanning module chapters and undergoing the delicate process of trying to master Solid Mechanics III in 2 days. Regarding the latter, I am happy to announce that I think I did myself justice in there. It's a totally different story for Fluid Mech however, but hey you know what, I could have done a lot better had I not procrastinated!




You just have to love the idea of reading up your study materials the night before your exams. That adrenaline rush of knowing you're in deep shit hours before a paper cannot be had anywhere else. This definitely has to be at the top of the list for any thrill-seekers out there.




Any nerdy newbies who are interested in indulging in some procrastination of their own will do well to follow some of the guidelines I am about to recommend. During this 2 week ordeal, I've compiled my very own TOP 5 tips for last-minute revision and midnight-oil burning and they are as follows:





Please, for the love of God:





i) D


ii) O


iii) N


iv) '


v) T





Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go sit in a corner and lick my examination wounds.

Reality Check..

I was just randomly browsing through a couple of my friends' blogs when I stumbled onto Germaine's and saw a picture of her and her friend posing with a gigantic 21st birthday cake.



Then it kinda hit me.




Gosh, I am 20 this year?!?!





It wasn't that long ago when I was called "the 16 year old"!!






4 years just like that. Wow... I mean, just... Wow..

Collection of Ramblings...

I tried, I really did. I wanted so much to do consecutive posts without bringing up United but unfortunately, since we won the title last week, I have to gloat a bit.


























So to all the 19 teams who are busy enjoying the fumes from our exhaust. Up yours, losers!!












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Peas are a bitch. I struggle with them every time they serve those green balls of hell during dinner. I don't hate the taste, they taste like corn to me. But it's so hard to eat them with "grace". Especially with a fork!!




Those things just keep rolling off my fork every time I try to lift them to my mouth and it has to be that precise moment when my mouth is wide open and they're almost there; leaving me hanging with that awkward look on my face while everyone wonders why this guy eats like a 4 year old.





Fuck Peas.







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"Even stopped clocks get it right once or twice in a while."



Stumbled onto this proverb the other day. That has to be one of the more thought-provoking proverbs out there. I like proverbs that force you to think for a while. And by a while, I mean 5 seconds because let's face it, if you need any longer than that, you're retarded.



Of course, the saying basically means even the most derailed fool can say something true every so often. In fact, stopped clocks actually show the right time 2 times a day. Think about it. Good one, huh? It's definitely better than the lazier "duh" type of sayings like:



"All good things must come to an end"


"Action speaks louder than words"


"No man is an island"


"A woman's place is in the home"




So anyway, I had a sudden urge to scour the web for new proverbs but I somehow ended up with these. Here are some funny ones that I found over the internet. Not exactly proverbs per se, but I just wanted to share it:




Simon says stand! Simon says sit! Format drive C:! Ha! Gotcha!



Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.



A rock ----> me <---- A hard place A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway. Keyboard not connected, press F13 to continue If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep. A cynic smells the flowers and looks for the coffin. Diplomacy is saying: "Nice doggie!"... till you can find a rock. What on earth is a "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free? There are some proverbs I picked up in primary school that I never quite understood over the years. Yes I do realize that after what I said in the first paragraph, I am calling myself a retard. And yes, they make kids memorize shit-loads of proverbs in Sri KL. English lessons used to be a pain in the arse back then. They'd literally give you pages and pages of synonyms, antonyms, homonyms, idioms, similes, past tense, past participle tense, present perfect tense, future tense and expect you to know them by heart. Like come on, how old were we, what, nine?! Psychopath English teachers. Yes you, Mr.Singh, you're a psychopath. Here are some of the proverb that I never quite understood until recently. "A stitch in time saves nine" "Penny wise, pound foolish" "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush" It took me 5 years till I was in Form 2 for me to understand the first one. When I first saw that saying, I was dumbfounded. Stitch time? What, sewing a clock? How will that save anything? Who the hell are the "nine"? Of course, what it means is stitching a hole now will save you 9 stitches in the future but believe me, it wasn't so obvious back then. The second one, I'll hold my hands up and admit, I only found out its figurative meaning just now when I googled it. If ever there is a sentence stripped down to its bare bones, "penny wise, pound foolish" has to be it. How is anyone supposed to understand what you're trying to say when you speak like a Neanderthal?! I mean really, tell me "Penny wise, Pound foolish" doesn't sound like: "Me Org, Org hungry" "Hulk hate, Hulk smash" "Eat chicken, Chicken good" "Fuck you, You bitch" And then there are some that really do your head in. I know the third one means you should accept what you have and not risk it by chasing something better but really, reading this proverb provoked the kind of "What?!" you'll only get from watching the Matrix trilogy. I mean, come on, If a bird in my hand is worth two in the bush, what's stopping me from throwing it into the bush? It just doesn't make sense. I suspect this is some kind of sick joke conjured a long time ago by a philosopher who really detested hand-jobs.

Russell Peters made me do it!

All of us know who Russell Peters is (right?) and most of us would already have seen his stand up comedy act. I've always found that guy's Chinese impression funny but never truly understood why he made it sound like that simply because I've never actually heard a Chinese speak like that!


That is, until I realized I've never actually heard a Chinese speak.


For the uninitiated, here's the video..






I know, I know, it's a classic. I can never watch this without suffocating from too much laughing. That accent just kills it! No way, who the hell speaks like that?!





So you can almost imagine my situation when I went for a lab one fine day and had a Chinese lab instructor who sounded exactly the same! No, I don't mean his accent bears a passing resemblance to Peters' impression. No, his was a true to the note, totally indistinguishable, audio xerox of Peters' side-splitting parody.




To borrow from Russell Peters: The first time I saw that act, I thought,"Woah! Whoever wrote this is brilliant!" I went to lab today, that's a real language!




What can a poor guy do when he is immediately reminded of all the Russell Peters comedic gems and that Chinese restaurant owner from South Park? He laughs! He was explaining the procedures of the lab and there I was bursting into a maniacal laughter every time he opened his mouth to speak!




You know the feeling when you're trying to hold your laughter in but it kinda "expands" in your chest until you can no longer hold it in? You know the one where your face turns purple and a snort would follow more snorts until you finally break into a fit of sniggers?




Yep, guilty as charged.




What? At least I tried being indirect about it by hiding my grinning smirk behind my lab sheet. That's being very, very merciful, just so you know. Last I checked, proper etiquette for a situation like this is to point a finger straight into the victim's face before letting out a very loud "Ha, Ha!" a la Nelson Muntz from the Simpsons. And an atomic wedgie.




Anyway, I was browsing around Youtube when I stumbled upon this Chinese Restaurant prank. Totally irrelevant but definitely worth checking out. I'm not going to say how the prank works. See it for yourself.








Here's another one about this guy calling a Chinese clock-maker. What's so funny about that? Well, let's just say she has a very unique way of pronouncing "clock". You really have to see this!










Anyway, it became a little too obvious in the end. Being a science man and all, I think his sharp analytical skills would have told him that I was cracking up at his accents. In any case, he should have figured it all out judging from the immaculate timing of my laughters.



Or the fact that I was subtly doing my own City Wok waiter impression to my lab-mates a while later. What? Subtly, guys, subtly...