New year, new blog layout! I grew incredibly bored of the plain orange/yellow design of the previous theme and so, decided to switch to another generic Google template. Yeah, I know, 10 points for originality. I also picked a pretentious bookshelf background that will hopefully scream ,”Oooh, look at me, I read a lot.” (hint: I don’t. Not a lot, anyway)
So a new blog layout deserves a cracking 5 star post to kick things off and you should probably be able to tell from the title that, yes, I will be divulging my personal secret to successfully and consistently beat the hiccups! That’s right, no more dicking around with ineffective ways to stop your chest from painfully jerking every five seconds! I know, I know what you’re thinking: “Everybody claims to have a sure-fire hiccup-slaying method but it never works, asshole.”
You: “Really? Tell me more.”
Hear me out, though. This isn’t a lame “hold your breath for 10 seconds while trying to burp” or “drink lots and lots of water” rubbish. My method of dealing with hiccups has a more elegant touch and a steeper learning curve, yet is obvious once you master it. Being a scientist, I realize the need for validation and so, I’ve tried this every time the hiccups come about. From roughly 7-10 tries, I’ve had a 100% success rate, which is something I haven’t had from previous housewife remedies. So what is this miracle cure? Put simply, you trick your brain into stopping the hiccups. You will your body into stopping the spasms. Kinda like a Jedi mind trick.
Again, I know it sounds crazy, but there is a method to this madness.
”Okay,whatever you say, bro.”
Before I tell you the exact steps, there is a need to understand how this works. I don’t have a reliable scientific source and apparently from Wikipedia, the exact hiccup mechanism hasn’t been fully elucidated. From what I gather and understand though, the hiccup is a sort of reflex action triggered by the subconscious. There’s nothing that will specifically trigger a hiccup; it just happens, well, because. So I hypothesized that if it’s a reflex action triggered solely by the brain and has no underlying cause like, say, a viral infection, then technically, you should be able to stop it just by using your mind.
As many already know, all the housewife remedies like holding your breath while standing on one foot or getting someone to scare you are just ways to draw attention away from the actual action of “hiccup-ing”. The reason why it doesn’t work all the time for everyone would be because, one might assume, the subject is still subconsciously focused on the hiccups, or rather, not focused enough on the “remedy” to “forget” about the hiccups. This is
My remedy builds on this principle but does away with all the needless (frankly though, they’re amusing to watch) physical actions. Instead, all you need to do is convince your subconscious that you are not, in fact, suffering from hiccups. The following are the recommended steps towards accomplishing this:
1) I find that this works best if you’re in a low-noise environment, so get away from a crowd or tune out if you can. Sit down if possible and try to relax.
2) Now it’s time to close your eyes and let your imaginations run; this is a mind trick after all.
There is probably something you’ve been doing right before the hiccups started, like say, driving, talking to a friend, making coffee, or reading. Of course, while you were performing that task, the hiccups weren’t there. You were naturally feeling very comfortable then.Now you need to picture yourself doing that task; in fact, not just picture but believe you are actually doing it at the present moment and totally immerse yourself into the scenario, complete with the hiccup-free state. While you’re doing this, an occasional hiccup might still come up, but you need to completely ignore it and not let it distract you from your mental task.
3) If you have done step (2) correctly and long enough, you should be noticing that your hiccups have either slowed down or stopped completely. Step (3) is what I call, the sealing stage; it’s the part where you cap off your mind trick with a little reverse psychology. The icing on the cake, if you will.
Before I tell you what step (3) is, I would assume you’re reading this while not suffering from any form of hiccups. Alright, now I want you to will yourself into doing a hiccup using your mind alone. It’s pretty impossible, right? That’s precisely what step (3) is: daring your mind into doing a hiccup. You need to remember how impossible it is to do this if you don’t actually have hiccups. This will work beautifully if you’ve done step (2) right and utterly believe that you’re hiccup-free.
And that’s it! You’re officially hiccup-free! The description of my remedy is obviously a bit convoluted compared to “hold your breath while drinking” because it’s an explanation for first-timers and also because the understanding of how this works is crucial towards the probability of success. Once you’ve mastered it (usually only takes one or two tries), you won’t even have to make an effort the next time there is a hiccup attack. You’ll just completely suppress it within 5 seconds.
You; when you try this and realize how well it works.
P/S: If this doesn’t work for you no matter how hard you try, it means you have the imagination of a doorknob.
P/P/S: Man, I love this new blog layout.
