Friday 1 May 2009

Dear 11 Year Old CM

A very interesting topic from the hallowed Football365 Forum, "If you could write a letter to yourself 10 years ago, knowing what you do now.."..


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Dear me,


First of all, to prove that this is not some sick prank from your friends, I'll tell you something only you would know: You secretly adore the Backstreet Boys back in primary school even though you claim to hate everything about them and you had a crush on your Standard 1 class teacher.


Now that I've undoubtedly got your attention, there are more pressing matters to discuss, some of which you would not understand, but for both our sakes, bear with me and read on. I've compiled a list of instructions, complete with dates of events, that you must obey. They are as follows:



1) Seeing as it should be May 1999 when you read this, I think I would be correct when I say you're still using that black Chicago Bulls schoolbag which you think is so cool but is actually about half your body size and looks absolutely ridiculous.


Do NOT insist on using it until Form 2 when the strap finally breaks. Ditch it now and ask mum to get you something nice and affordable like a Bodypac since she's still very apprehensive about spending over RM100 on schoolbags.


Actually, you know what, fuck that, go to a shop in Sunway Pyramid called Tropicana Life and get a bag there. Pick a nice funky design. Tropicana Life won't be cool until later this year, so you might as well be the trendsetter. Go get em, tiger.



2) Also, middle parting hairstyles are not cool. Go to the hair saloon and tell them you want a spiky hairstyle. They're not exactly cool once you hit college but it's the best you can do in secondary school.


I know you're uneasy about this rebellious hairstyle because of conservative mum, but I tell you what, she actually likes it and thinks you look fresh in it. I know, she told me when I did it in Form 4.



3) Now let me give you some love advice. Letting girls know early on that you fancy them won't work until you've built some kind of rapport between yourselves, so talk and get to know them first. Oh, and don't let anyone in on your crush because secrets never stay secrets.


No need to get so nervous, they're just girls. You might wanna remember that talking about rock bands with girls is boring. Also, you'll eventually take a liking to this girl in Form 3, you'll know who in time. Do not invest a year going after her, she's just not interested.


Oh, oh right, there's a girl in your PMR Maths tuition class in Form 3 who will keep talking to you and also call you every week talking about what you'd think is meaningless drivel. She likes you, you retard!! Don't miss the signals, swoop in for the easy kill, or you'll wonder about what might have been. Ditto that girl scout your cousin will introduce you to.



4) For the love of god, please do well in your SPM. I'll clue you in, you'll eventually have to do a lot of Chemistry related work for your postgrad so don't hate the subject. Read Pn.Sandy's highly spotted questions, they ARE accurate despite what you might think. SPM Physics is so god damned easy so plea, oh wait, you'll actually do well for that, never mind..


Score those A's and get that JPA scholarship. Actually, screw the JPA scholarship, just apply for the HELP A-Levels high achievers' scholarship if you want, but make it a point to join HELP. The people you'll meet there will be awesome.


And don't screw up your A-levels.



5) Sub shirts and skinny jeans are a no-no. Consult Justina for fashion advice early on. You'll get to really know her in Form 5. Go on those shopping trips with her early on instead of halfway through A-levels.



6) This girl you'll be with in 2005. Sigh.......



7) List of buyers' remorse items you should avoid:

i) Pokemon and Lord of the Rings trading cards. No matter how many people play them in school, avoid them like the plague.

ii) MD walkman.

iii) Limp Bizkit CD.

iv) RM70 infrared USB dongle. You're getting scammed, you fool!

v) Money spent on cybercafes. No wait, forget that, cybercafes are cool.




8) Please do not puke in Bar Flam and some club in The Curve. Gosh, can you get any more embarassing?




9) In 2004, please tell her you love her before the moment's lost.



And that's it. There are actually more things I want to tell you but I'll just let you have little stumbles along the way because it won't be life if you don't make mistakes. Wouldn't wanna make things too easy for you.


Talk to you soon. Love you!



Yours faithfully,

2009 CM.




P/S: Greece is gonna win Euro 2004. Stick every cent you have on them before the tournament!!!



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