The Mysteries of "Feel Good" factors

I am done being the nice, patient guy who's always willing to wait "5 more minutes" and give a friendly "it's okay" when someone apologizes for the 10th time.



The next time a person's actions, or lack of, annoys you and you go on to confront him/her, the likely scenario would unfold:


Knowing the mistake of his/her deeds, said offender would then proceed to explain the situation with a nervous smile thrown in. The smile is of course meant to provoke one out of you as well, in an attempt to lighten up the situation.



What do you do in this case?


(a) Smile back. Lighten up, man.


(b) Shoot the whole thing down with a cold stare, and when the tool with a Cheshire smile is done talking, cap it off with a very unimpressed "and?".




If you chose (a), well done. Now put on your tutu. Your ballet teacher is waiting, you pussy.


(b) would put you in a far more dominant position in a stand-off.


A smile is a show of weakness. Be it in a restaurant with customer service so poor, they put the government departments to shame or a project group member who just can't be arsed, never let him/her feel you're soft and can be messed around with.


If there's something I can't stand, it's a smile in the midst of incompetence.


Last week, I was sat at a restaurant and waited 45 minutes for a take-away dinner. Patrons who came in 10 minutes later than me were already tucking in to their meal. The waiter then came up to me, not for the first time, and said it would be ready in 5 minutes (which you know will be way longer than that), with that fucking smile on his face.


So did I smile back? Did I balls! If you want to make me feel better, get me something to read or at least pour me a fucking glass of tea. What in Miranda Priestly's name am I supposed to do with your pathetic, insincere apology?


I had to watch people who came in way later than me gleefully helping themselves to that plate of sweet and sour pork, while I starve away and you expect me to make you feel better with a "no problem, champ" and send you back to your conversation with that cashier you're obviously hitting on?


Please, don't insult me by smiling when you're apologizing. Don't give me the remotest hint that you're happy about it. I would be more than happy to wipe it off your face. Unless you're bigger than I am, in which case, I'll be the bigger man and let you off.


Trust me, try it the next time. It's liberating. Really, think about it. You are gonna have a period of awkward silence where you'd be as cool as the Ice Queen (there's gotta be a more male-friendly simile) and another plank just stood there, smiling at you. That trick there really does their head in!



There, I've said it, being an uptight bastard makes me feel good. Now, get me my sandwich, you ho! And I'd better not see any saliva in there again!