Closure

It was nice being able to spend an hour speaking to her candidly and privately last Saturday about everything and anything. She seemed healthier in comparison to her state a few weeks ago; she was able to speak albeit softly and she looked pretty bright. That was nice; I never got a chance to speak with my cousin like that before she went.

It was a year on, and she's lived longer than anyone of us thought she would. Not going on the chemotherapy program was the right decision in hindsight. That obviously didn't stop the suffering though, and it was heartbreaking watching her wither away.

Anyway, back to Saturday: I tried to keep things on a lighter mood but inevitably, we veered back to the disease and how she was coping with it.

"You just have to be open-minded. I'm just really glad that everyone's doing well now and my daughter has changed for the better. Everyone is happy, your siblings are all doing well, you're about to buy a house.... With that in mind, I'll go in peace," my aunt said serenely.

I was trying to hold back the tears when she said that. We talked a little while longer but when she had to rest, I bade what would turn out to be my final farewell and told her I'd visit again when I was back from Miri.

Unexpectedly however, she passed away this afternoon. But I guess keeping in heart what she said, I suppose I'm not grieving that much.

Being able to have that closure to everything, being able to say your goodbyes to everyone and leaving relatively peacefully, that's something not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to do.

With that, rest in peace, Yi Ma, I love you.