Now I have to admit that I’m no writing genius myself but it grates on me whenever I see any of the following being used; worse still if it’s used wrongly. Maybe, I am being a pedant and there are probably instances of literary cliche here that would annoy some other reader but it’s bothered me too many times for me to keep it in.
Off the top of my head (hmm is this a cliche? It probably is), the list of phrases that I’ve seen used/misused too many times:
1) "Just my 2 cents”. I’ve seen this phrase used to the point of tedium in local online forums and comment sections and it’s usually followed by a smiley doing a peace sign. Every time I see someone use it, it’s like having the phrase morph into a hand, extend itself from my laptop screen and slap me in the face.
Why does it annoy me? I’ve been trying to pin-point the reason and I’ll just put it down to the regularity with which it’s used. It’s the “it’s no rocket science” effect. It seems like people think it “smartens up” the post or as if the 4 words will magically quell any tension caused by his/her preceding post.
“Yeah, I think the Mac is a brilliant machine but the amount of software that is coded for Windows just makes it the more sensible choice especially with the introduction of Windows 7. Just my 2 cents” Why the fuck use it? To me, it’s like writing a sensible post and then scribbling all over it with a marker pen. I have and always will disregard any post which ends with Just. My. Fucking. 2. Cents. Yeah take your change and fuck off, yeah?
2) “Literally”. I think there really is no more going back on this one. It’s a lost cause. People on Facebook do it, I’ve seen blog posts with this mistake and the media does it. Heck, if even the media does it, what hope do these copy and paste fucktards have? I don’t mean you can’t use the word at all but please use it right. People seem to think that “literally” is a word-for-word replacement for “really”.
Here’s a hint for you:
lit·er·al·ly –adverb
1. in the literal or strict sense: What does the word meanliterally?
2. in a literal manner; word for word: to translate literally.
3. actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy: The city wasliterally destroyed.
4. in effect; in substance; very nearly; virtually.
IT’S NOT!!
So you can’t literally die for someone (well, actually you can, but you weren’t going to), literally explode with happiness, go literally out of your mind or one that I hope to see actually, literally go head over heels.
Unfortunately, this is one abuse I don’t see going away anytime soon, which is literally annoying the shit out of me. Okay, not really.
3) “Random”. I’ll keep this one short. IF IT’S PRE-PLANNED AND DID NOT OCCUR PURELY BY CHANCE, THEN IT’S NOT FUCKING RANDOM! Moving on..
4) “.. however, your argument has a fatal/serious flaw in it//your argument is fatally flawed”
Not quite a cliche yet, but this one’s beginning to piss me off too; yes, I’m a very angry person. So why does this phrase vex me? Well, it’s because the use of this just smacks of smug pompousness. It’s like the person using this thinks he’s fucking Sherlock Holmes or something. It usually starts off with the person agreeing with the post.
”Yes, I agree that the Mac is free of viruses and is generally very user-friendly. iLife which comes free with OSX is a great productivity suite as well and on the whole, the build quality of Macs are indeed impressive.”
Oh cool, so we’re all agreed then. Cheerio. But oh wait, hang on, there’s a mother fucking reveal.
“However, there’s a fatal flaw in your argument.”
Look at him, like he’s from Scooby Doo revealing the masked criminal’s plot to the police officers.
”Macs are only free of viruses because of their incredibly small user base. Cyber criminals will always prefer to spend time and effort coding for something that 90% (pulled-out-of-ass-stat) of the world is using. This coupled with the brilliance that is Windows 7 and the number of programs that are compatible with Microsoft’s OS and suddenly, the Mac becomes a lot less appealing.”
There, who’s the smart one now? He can almost hear the original poster going “..and I would have got away with that one if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!” Just argue your point for fuck’s sake, what’s with The Pledge, The Turn and The Prestige? It’s unnecessary and you come across as a bit of a twat.
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I’m sure there are more but I can’t think of any right now. I’ll be back with more once they decide to show up again in my head. If I sound like a very angry person in the post, I have to stress that yes, I do indeed feel that strongly against the above.
Also, checking the number of blog posts/year at the sidebar, I noticed that I usually do most of my postings towards the end of the year. Interesting stat. Shall investigate further.
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