Entering the home stretch

I’ve submitted my “intention to submit” form today which pretty much symbolizes the beginning to the end of my doctorate journey. I’ve been writing my thesis for about a month now in between the lab sessions and it’s quite surreal to think that it’s already been a little over three years since I started this.

I still have some experimental milestones to hit before I can officially go into “thesis writing” mode but hopefully, I can get it resolved over the next one or two months. I haven’t had much luck with lab results lately despite a lot of hard graft over the past two to three months. Curse the uncertainty of semi-novel research!

However, the good news is because I write my journal articles as I go about doing my lab work instead of leaving it until the end, all I have to do once I finish this batch of experiments is to collate all the papers together to form a coherent piece of work. It’s a two to three week job at most, fingers crossed.

Also, I have had one eye on my post-graduation career for the past one year now, and after a lot of uhm, “extra-curricular” reading, I feel like (or at least, I hope!) I’m sufficiently equipped now to handle any rigorous interview processes that might come my way. I should be starting to apply for jobs by mid to late April depending on the progress of my doctorate work.


I’m feeling a whole whirlwind of emotions right now, to be honest. There’s a bit of fear because at the back of my mind, there are still some lingering doubts as to whether I can actually make that final step and complete the doctorate. Just the thought of the humiliation of ending up with an MPhil instead of a PhD makes me feel nauseous. There’s relief because either ways, no matter what happens, this mentally and physically draining journey will end by the middle of 2012.


There’s contentment, because again, no matter what happens, I have come on leaps and bounds as a person and I can feel the improvement in maturity of thought compared to where I was three years ago, and really, isn’t that just what everyone wants? The feeling that you’ve made progress and not just stagnated as the days went by?


The dominating feeling right now, however, has to be excitement. There’s just so much to look forward to over the coming months and the uncertainty adds so much to it. So first, I have to get the final project out of the way, and then comes the job applications while finishing up the thesis, and if all goes well, I’ll successfully defend my thesis, become Dr. Ng and land the job that I want. Onwards and upwards!

……. or crash and burn, end up with an MPhil and wallow in misery for the rest of my life. That’s pretty exciting too, I suppose.


Whatever. Sit tight!

The Kerinchi Link Conundrum

So it was announced last week that the government had decided to abolish two of the Cheras-Kajang tolls; one on each side of the road. This should be great news for me because I travel along that stretch every day and hey, we all love money, right? Well unfortunately, it wasn’t quite as simple for me.

“ASALKAN BUKAN BARISAN NASIO… say what? toll abolished?! FUCK YEAH!!!!”

That’s because the government has a rebate program going where if you pass more than 80 toll booths a month, you get a 20% rebate on your toll charges. Since you also get a further 20% on the rebate that is credited provided you pass 80 tolls again the next month, it is effectively a 24.8% rebate.

What this means is that if the government abolishes 2 tolls, it brings down my monthly toll count. So if (1) the abolishment of the tolls brings my toll count below 80, and (2) the savings from the rebate prior to the abolishment is more than the direct savings from the abolishment, I actually stand to lose more money.


Thankfully, it doesn’t in this scenario. I was crossing 7 tolls daily prior to the abolishment, so assuming I travelled to the campus every weekday, which equated to 20 days of travelling, I was crossing 140 tolls monthly. The abolishment of the 2 tolls brought the total down to 100, which was fine by me.

However, this turn of events did bring a new dilemma which I dubbed during my drive home “The Kerinchi Link Conundrum”.

(www.dramabutton.com)

 

You see, on the way back from Semenyih, I am usually faced with two route options, with significantly different costs each. I can either go up the Kerinchi Link and pay a total of RM 2.50 or I can wait a little longer in traffic (generally about 15 minutes) and go home via the toll-free Jalan Universiti.


Of course, for a typical driver, the cost analysis is pretty straightforward. If you can stand to wait, do so; otherwise, cough up RM2.50. With the rebate program however, it gets slightly more complicated because of the monthly toll count.

(For the sake of discussion, assume 1 month = 20 weekdays)

Each time I choose not to go up the Kerinchi Link, I lose 2 toll booth “passes” off my monthly toll count. If my monthly toll count drops below 80 passes, I don’t qualify for a rebate. Before, it didn’t matter: my monthly count was 140 passes so even if I chose not to go up the Kerinchi Link every time, my final count still stood at 100 passes. No problems there.


With the abolishment of the two Cheras-Kajang tolls, however, should I choose not to go up the Kerinchi Link at all, my monthly toll count drops from 100 to 60. So now, I do have a fairly interesting situation on my hands. Since I had time during my drive home (I always do; it’s a fucking 45 minute drive each way), I decided to do a quick cost-benefit analysis.


It turns out that to achieve the perfect balance between cost and time spent waiting in traffic, I have to go up the Kerinchi Link at least ten times. Interestingly, the difference between going up the Link ten times and not going up at all is a mere RM 1. That means it only costs me RM0.10 each time I go up the link. The explanation is simple enough: not going up the Link at all means failing to meet the 80 toll requirement and consequently, losing out on the rebate for the other 3 tolls that I do have to pass daily.


The worst case scenario would be if I only go up the Link nine times because then, not only do I lose out on the monthly rebate, but I also have to pay the full RM2.50 toll charge. It would actually cost me money to NOT go up the tenth time. I was actually amused by how counter-intuitive this whole thing was.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


In the grand scheme of things, however, I’m not sure I should be pleased about this whole toll abolishment thing. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the traffic along the Taman Connaught stretch has gradually worsen since the RM0.50 toll was abolished last year. Since it doesn’t cost a cent to go along the East-West link now, more motorists would understandably prefer to take that route home.


Which sucks for me, because, well, I’ve always been okay with paying the measly RM0.50. So screw you, BN, yet another reason to vote for the opposition….


…. except those guys are proposing to abolish ALL tolls in the country.


Hmmm…



P/S: The opposition has been saying that should they take over Putrajaya, they’ll slash tax rates, abolish all tolls, provide financial aid for the needy, maintain/ increase fuel subsidies and keep essential goods prices steady, among other populist measures.

Which begs the fucking question: How do they plan on financing all this? Just by eliminating corruption and cronyism? Even if it’s possible, I’m not entirely sure it’s the most beneficial way to spend the purported savings.

The Black Swan

I had a relatively casual chat with a friend today about Christianity's view on homosexuality. As I was more keen on trying to understand their mindset on the issue and stimulate a discussion, I refrained from winding him up just for the sake of a wind-up. Okay, maybe I did just a little. And only because some of the statements made were begging for it.

The central premise for Christianity's negative stance towards homosexuality, besides the Bible saying it's wrong, is basically this:


"Homosexuality is strictly a choice and not a congenital condition"


That is the crucial argument because from a Christianity standpoint, if (1) all living beings are created by God, and, (2) some people are born homosexuals, we can reasonably argue that God condones homosexuality. Assuming he’s a benevolent God of course; it’s equally likely that he just likes to take the piss. There's of course a slight problem in that the Bible explicitly says that homosexuality is wrong. You can then see why Christians, instead of possibly having to deal with this perplexing contradiction, would rather stick their fingers into their ears and scream "lalalalala" in the face of any potential evidence that is contrary to their viewpoint.


Based on this then, I asked him whether he thought a person can actively choose to be gay, and whether homosexuals can be "rehabilitated", to which he said yes. It still sounded fairly reasonable until he brought up how he thought homosexuals become what they are. Most homosexuals were victims of child sexual abuse, apparently.





*Struggles badly at holding back a priest/small boy joke*


I pressed him for the exact statistic. Is “most” 75%, 50%, 35%? About 40% was his estimate (A quick Google search later revealed it to be 38%). Well, what about the other 60% then, I asked him. No coherent reply was forthcoming. In any case, it was irrelevant. Correlation does not equate to causation. If they really wanted to prove that child sexual abuse is a factor in sexual orientation, they should flip the parameters. The number of child sexual abuse victims who go on to become homosexuals should be the supporting statistic.


My personal opinion is that since there isn’t conclusive proof (I may be wrong) on whether homosexuality is or isn’t a choice, an open mind should be kept regarding the matter. Adopting a homophobic stance because a book told you to is not just ignorant; it’s lazy. I then tried a different approach: “What if there is conclusive scientific evidence that homosexuality can be a congenital condition? Would that help change your mind?” There was a sudden pause followed by an emphatic no.


The reason given was hilariously flimsy, though. He would have been better off just falling back on the Bible excuse. ”Unless you surveyed all 7 billion of the world’s population and found that all homosexuals are born that way, the study is unreliable.” Hearing that actually made me go:






I don’t need to gather all the black swans in the world to disprove “all swans are white”; I need just one! Similarly, a study just needs to reliably prove that one (or several, just for the sake of repeatability) homosexual is born with a particular sexual orientation to disprove “homosexuality is a choice”. That he can’t see the logic despite being a scientist dumbfounded me a little. You know, I would have thought that being a student of science, you would be more accepting of new theories.


This anecdote kind of sums up my beef with religion besides the money-making part (have you seen their accounts?). As a device to draw strength, comfort and inspiration from, it’s great. Even the back and forth arguments about the origins of the universe are largely inconsequential. The problem arises when it’s used to spread backward and potentially poisonous ideas such as the forbiddance of contraceptives like condoms and birth control pills (a whole other post which I won’t go into detail).


Most religions preach faith so strongly that followers just surrender all their opinions and trust the teachings of a book to the letter; a book that has been doctored by men heavily over the years to suit their own personal agenda no less. I might empathise with the average person but I would expect more from a man of science than to relinquish all thoughts of inquisition. Is religion to blame for my friend’s poor reasoning skills? No, but since his opinion on the matter was already cemented from the brainwashing of religion, he’ll fight tooth and nail to defend his opinion and stoop to brittle logic in desperation.


“What if the Bible is wrong?” I asked my friend midway through our small debate. “It’s never wrong,” came the confident reply.


Galileo wept.

How to successfully stop hiccups immediately

 
New year, new blog layout! I grew incredibly bored of the plain orange/yellow design of the previous theme and so, decided to switch to another generic Google template. Yeah, I know, 10 points for originality. I also picked a pretentious bookshelf background that will hopefully scream ,”Oooh, look at me, I read a lot.” (hint: I don’t. Not a lot, anyway)

So a new blog layout deserves a cracking 5 star post to kick things off and you should probably be able to tell from the title that, yes, I will be divulging my personal secret to successfully and consistently beat the hiccups! That’s right, no more dicking around with ineffective ways to stop your chest from painfully jerking every five seconds!  I know, I know what you’re thinking: “Everybody claims to have a sure-fire hiccup-slaying method but it never works, asshole.”

You: “Really? Tell me more.”


Hear me out, though. This isn’t a lame “hold your breath for 10 seconds while trying to burp” or “drink lots and lots of water” rubbish. My method of dealing with hiccups has a more elegant touch and a steeper learning curve, yet is obvious once you master it. Being a scientist, I realize the need for validation and so, I’ve tried this every time the hiccups come about. From roughly 7-10 tries, I’ve had a 100% success rate, which is something I haven’t had from previous housewife remedies. So what is this miracle cure? Put simply, you trick your brain into stopping the hiccups. You will your body into stopping the spasms. Kinda like a Jedi mind trick.

Again, I know it sounds crazy, but there is a method to this madness.




”Okay,whatever you say, bro.”


Before I tell you the exact steps, there is a need to understand how this works. I don’t have a reliable scientific source and apparently from Wikipedia, the exact hiccup mechanism hasn’t been fully elucidated. From what I gather and understand though, the hiccup is a sort of reflex action triggered by the subconscious. There’s nothing that will specifically trigger a hiccup; it just happens, well, because. So I hypothesized that if it’s a reflex action triggered solely by the brain and has no underlying cause like, say, a viral infection, then technically, you should be able to stop it just by using your mind.


As many already know, all the housewife remedies like holding your breath while standing on one foot or getting someone to scare you are just ways to draw attention away from the actual action of “hiccup-ing”. The reason why it doesn’t work all the time for everyone would be because, one might assume, the subject is still subconsciously focused on the hiccups, or rather, not focused enough on the “remedy” to “forget” about the hiccups. This is


My remedy builds on this principle but does away with all the needless (frankly though, they’re amusing to watch) physical actions. Instead, all you need to do is convince your subconscious that you are not, in fact, suffering from hiccups. The following are the recommended steps towards accomplishing this:

1) I find that this works best if you’re in a low-noise environment, so get away from a crowd or tune out if you can. Sit down if possible and try to relax.

2) Now it’s time to close your eyes and let your imaginations run; this is a mind trick after all.

There is probably something you’ve been doing right before the hiccups started, like say, driving, talking to a friend, making coffee, or reading. Of course, while you were performing that task, the hiccups weren’t there. You were naturally feeling very comfortable then.

Now you need to picture yourself doing that task; in fact, not just picture but believe you are actually doing it at the present moment and totally immerse yourself into the scenario, complete with the hiccup-free state. While you’re doing this, an occasional hiccup might still come up, but you need to completely ignore it and not let it distract you from your mental task.

3) If you have done step (2) correctly and long enough, you should be noticing that your hiccups have either slowed down or stopped completely. Step (3) is what I call, the sealing stage; it’s the part where you cap off your mind trick with a little reverse psychology. The icing on the cake, if you will.

Before I tell you what step (3) is, I would assume you’re reading this while not suffering from any form of hiccups. Alright, now I want you to will yourself into doing a hiccup using your mind alone. It’s pretty impossible, right? That’s precisely what step (3) is: daring your mind into doing a hiccup. You need to remember how impossible it is to do this if you don’t actually have hiccups. This will work beautifully if you’ve done step (2) right and utterly believe that you’re hiccup-free.

And that’s it! You’re officially hiccup-free! The description of my remedy is obviously a bit convoluted compared to “hold your breath while drinking” because it’s an explanation for first-timers and also because the understanding of how this works is crucial towards the probability of success. Once you’ve mastered it (usually only takes one or two tries), you won’t even have to make an effort the next time there is a hiccup attack. You’ll just completely suppress it within 5 seconds.




You; when you try this and realize how well it works.


P/S: If this doesn’t work for you no matter how hard you try, it means you have the imagination of a doorknob.


P/P/S: Man, I love this new blog layout.

Head blown moment

“If you’re not paying for a service, you’re not the customer; you’re the product being sold”

I love the internet

Our family got Unifi a couple of months ago and just like with all the other internet service providers before this, the modem had to be placed at the corner of the house which was where the home office was because the desktop was in there. As a result, the Wi-Fi network coverage didn’t quite reach all four corners of the house.

This is fine for me because my room’s directly a floor above the home office but beyond the dining hall and my brother’s room, the house gets zero coverage! This of course will not do for my dad since he has an iPad and he can’t surf in the living room. Him being the man of the house (until I move out to my own place *shakes fist*) means that I have to settle this problem for him.

I thought, won’t it be great if there’s a device that extends the wireless range of your network? I’m not the geekiest of tech geeks so I wasn’t sure. Here’s where I start to really be appreciative of the internet and the ease of information sharing. 5 minutes on Google and I knew exactly what I was supposed to look for: a wireless range extender (of course), the normal price range and the most value-for-money brand.

So I bought what I needed and brought it home. Then I realized I didn’t know how to set up the damned thing. All the stuff about static IPs and default gateways might as well have been Arabic to me. Not to worry, fired up the laptop, typed the appropriate keywords into Google and BAM! detailed instructions from a Forum Lowyat thread from someone who had the same problem.

All these would not have been possible even a decade ago. I would have struggled with the manual for the entire night and called my techie friends the next morning. These days, with the proliferation of internet forums and the increase in volume of tech-tards on the internet asking for advice, you can be almost certain that if you have a problem, somebody has already asked about it first on the internet. Obviously, this is not applicable for all cases, especially not to the first person who asked it on the internet obviously, but in 95% of the cases, just look it up on Google!


It really bears repeating: I fucking love the internet!

On sharpening my knowledge of Malaysian football

Coming back from my first official Malaysia game yesterday (friendlies against English clubs don't count) has made me feel even more detached from English club football. There was just this attachment to the side, not to mention the feeling of watching stadium football, that you just don't get from watching the English clubs on TV.


I mean, I think back to the time I watched the United-Milan game at Old Trafford and wonder if I can feel the same passion again like I did before. The allegiance was phony. I mean, I'd probably still root for the team but I don't think I can stand up and sing and chant for them like I did before without feeling embarrassed.


It's funny, though, how I can probably tell you exactly what is wrong with the English national team, who should be drafted in or out, who's been underperforming, but I can't do the same for the Malaysian team. So I thought back to how I amassed my knowledge of English football in the first place and try to do the same for Malaysian football.


At first, I thought that the best way to know more about Malaysian football was to watch it on TV (or at a stadium). I mean, that seemed like the logical method. You watch the players play, you sift the bad from the good and you remember the names.


Then I realized that wasn't how I knew so much about the Premier League. I mean, I watched the United games and the occasional Premier League/Champions' League matches of some rivals but that was about it.

So then it had to be down to dedicated football news sites with editorials a la Football365/Soccernet. You get to read match reports and there'd be editorials commenting about the state of this club etc. However, I don't seem to be able to find a Malaysian equivalent. A few months into a season with a site like this and I think I can easily get up to speed with the who's who of Malaysian football.


Also, a forum would be very handy to read up on the fans' views. We already have Forum Lowyat for that so it's not too much of a problem. It's just that I've no freaking idea what they're talking about. I mean, they were talking about who was left out by Rajagobal and who should have played in place of whom, who was blazing in the local leagues and should have been included. Y'know, the kinda things that I can do too......... for the English national team!


Oh well, hopefully I can pay more attention to the local leagues and maybe, just maybe, watch my first Selangor match some time next season. Oh, did you know that Selangor is the most decorated club in Malaysian football? I know right, how bloody convenient.

Switching allegiances from one football giant to another.